When You Show Up

When You Show Up

When You Show Up

Originally posted on Jan 28 2020

I’ve been holding myself back for many years. What others said about me or to me has controlled how I chose my next step. It all started in childhood. I never spoke up as much as I thought I did. I held my breath in certain conversations with friends and family. I had people in my life who made me feel guilty, ashamed and scared. I was influenced by fear for many years. Let me clarify that this is not referring to abuse (physical or emotional), it was mostly how people scolded me when I made a mistake. As I grew up, whenever I made a mistake, I feared the reaction of my family and friends. 

These feelings led up to me moving abroad and finding my place in this world by being my own person. I didn’t need anyone’s opinion on what I was doing when I decided to move abroad. Yes, I was always feeling the dread and fear from my family because of my decision. But I kept my eye on the prize.

Italy.

Florence.

All alone.

On my own two feet.

Paying rent.

Working long hours.

All on me. Because it was MY decision.

I didn’t pursue what others did in their 20s. I didn’t want to follow ANYONE. I was the follower during my childhood, from the popular cliques to making the best soccer team. I wanted to fit in but also eager to shine my light. My authentic self. It was yearning to be seen.

When I arrived in Florence, no one expected anything from me. I was my own person from the start. I showed my friends who I really was. My authentic self. Perhaps that is why one of my closest friends has always been there for me for 16 years. I knew I could reach out to him while living in Florence. 

I showed up in Florence. I showed up and allowed people to see me. I fell in love while in Florence. I let that person see me for me. I didn’t put on a show and try to make him love me. I didn’t try to change who I was for him. He didn’t try to change himself for me either. I accepted him as he was and he accepted me. It was the greatest lesson I’ve learned. I was myself from the first day I met him to the moment he asked me to marry him. He is now my partner in life. 

Learn to take a chance on yourself. You have the power to dream big, be seen and shine your light. Be authentically you. 

Defined by Brene Brown in her book The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Authenticity is a daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

We were created for a reason. There’s only one YOU. Share your gifts with the world. The world needs you!

“When you avoid conflict to make peace with other people, you start a war within.”

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

“What we resist, persists.” Abraham-Hicks

Follow your intuition. It is always right. 

Love & Light, 

Katie

Only Love is Real

Only Love is Real

Only Love is Real

This year has changed from being the year I launch my first retreat, to the year I cancel said retreat. The year that expresses there is a reason why this pandemic is here. It is wreaking havoc on people (front-line workers), families and causing the world’s economy to come to a complete stop.

I was sad at first. But then I realized that I needed this year to prepare. Heal myself. Learn more. Grow more. And come into my own. 

Since the world was hit by this pandemic, I’ve tried to surround myself with stories of love, hope and support.

I only watch funny movies. I meditate more often. I create art to get me through the days. I use art to express my emotions, inner child trauma, and limiting beliefs I’ve held in my being for so long.

Needless to say, it’s been a transforming (almost) three months closed inside my home. 

One amazing perk, I’ve grown closer to my husband. Even with our (my) own outbursts, anger spells and crying uncontrollably, he’s been by my side.

The key to marriage is communication. In fact, it has been the basis of our relationship from the very beginning. I remember when I told him the goal I had of our relationship.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, I said, “You need to tell me when you are not happy with me or something isn’t right in our relationship.”

He replied, with a smile. “Ok.”

It is still the basis of our relationship. Even more now as our (my) emotions are out of control and say to him in a loud, stern voice, “I am angry because our trip to Italy is off. We won’t have a vacation this summer. I am sad that your vacation will be here with me in this house that we’ve been in for the past 3 months together.”

It felt great to get that off my chest. Just expressing your feelings does make a difference in your body. Give it a try sometime. 

Another perk, I’ve reconnected to friends whom I thought I’d never find the connection again. One friend in particular has caught me by surprise. She and I were partners in crime in Florence back from 2008 to 2011.

We painted Florence red each and every night we went out. We lived life to the fullest. We made our own mistakes and learned from them by staying by each other sides during those dark times. We grew and shaped ourselves living in my beloved city.

She taught me how to be kind. She gave me strength when I was struggling emotionally and financially in Florence.

And then, I let her slip through my fingers for many selfish reasons.

Worst mistake of my life.

I didn’t know what I lost until she was gone.

I am grateful that she and I are now back in regular communication as of a few years back. I wrote her a long email to let her know how much I cared for her and how bad I felt when we lost touch.

Last June, I met her for lunch in our beloved Florence. It was like not a day had passed. The lunch flew by. I didn’t even finish my salad.

I just had so much I wanted to tell her. But I got the best gift from her that day: LOVE.

I felt her love. I felt her as if we didn’t have a falling out. I felt how lucky I am to have a friend like her.

She is still living her life in Florence after 10+ years with her amazing husband and two adorable, bilingual children. I am forever grateful that I wrote her that email. 

Your time on this earth is short, make sure you tell people you love them.

Share love and kindness with whoever needs it. A simple smile, with your eyes, a ‘thank you’ to the man sanitizing the carts at the store, a phone call to a friend that is struggling, listening to a friend who needs to vent. These are all examples of love. 

So much tragedy has happened in these months. Feeling bad for myself because I can’t travel, makes me feel so horrible.

All the people who died alone in a lonely hospital bed really makes my heart hurt. I think about them every day. 

The loved ones that only got to see the dying through a facetime call that the amazing healthcare workers offered to do. That is what I call courage, support and LOVE.

There are millions of people all over the world who are without food, struggling to pay their bills, in unhealthy, abusive relationships, scared to be outside because of their health. Not just because of the virus, all these fears are heightened even more. 

The one thing that I keep sending to those in need is LOVE.

Only love is real. 

As much as I wish I was hosting a retreat in Tuscany this summer, I know this pandemic happened for a reason.

Pick yours:

  • Heal the Earth
  • Slow down
  • Focus on what’s important
  • Learn something new
  • Connect with a loved one
  • Heal yourself
  • Love yourself more

The list can go on.

For me, I choose to focus on what I REALLY want to do with my life. I’ve been on the path of self-care and wellness since December 2019. This year is my year to heal, grow and share my story with people that need inspiration, love and support. Because we all need that.

I feel in all of my being, my intention is being heard by the universe. I’ve received the sign.

My heart wants to share so many gifts with the world. It is MY time. 

 

What have you decided to focus on this time at home? Are you looking for a change? Are you missing a long lost friend?

Share with me in the comments what you are feeling these days.

Love & Light,

Kate

Trust in the Process

Trust in the Process

Trust in the Process

originally posted Jan 2, 2020

I never wanted to believe that something else was helping me reach my dream. I thought I had to do it all myself.

This year I learned to trust.

I learned that trusting in what the universe has to offer is what we all need to do. We are energy. Made of light and love. A spirit living a human experience. Some of us are even lucky enough to be earth angels who are there for people who need the energy of love and care. Maybe all this talk of angels or energy or spirit has got you scrunching your face saying to yourself, ‘I don’t believe in this shit’.

But I challenge you to think about experiences over the past year or decade:

Do you remember situations that you were given flat out, obvious signs not to get into that relationship, not to sign the papers for that new business, not to take that job? If you do remember having that gut feeling of ‘this doesn’t feel right’ then that was a sign. A sign from the universe, God, the cosmos whatever you believe in, your spirit guide was waving a flag in your face saying ‘hey don’t do this, this isn’t the right path, this isn’t the right job’. But you ignored it and kept down the wrong path.

I am right there with you. I did the same thing. I took jobs that promised me money, so much money. That was the wrong path. These jobs, paths did not align with my higher self. I do remember having that gut feeling of ‘don’t do this, Katie. Money will not bring you happiness, this is not aligned with your purpose.’ I soon found myself more miserable than before and ended up leaving that job.

My sign pushed me into a job I thought I would never take. I was offered this job twice before I finally took it. A position that I thought, in my eyes, was hard and would make me miserable with all the responsibilities. After a full year of being in this position, I knew this was the correct choice. None of what my ego perceived happened in this job. No stress, no pressure, no huge responsibilities that I assumed would be included. And I love it!

As for my yoga retreat business, I learned to fully embrace whatever happens, happens. If I have a full retreat or not, I am still doing it. I am doing what I set out to do. This dream started in Italy in 2009. Knowing that I probably couldn’t live in Florence forever as an English teacher, I thought there is going to be a way I can keep Italy in my life. I believe my retreat business is it. I am trusting in the path I am on. I also believe it is going to blossom into something more than just yoga. 

Fast forward to 2019, my little sister gets married in Italy in the same place I stayed when I was their babysitter 11 years prior. I reached out to the owner and she was as ecstatic as me and said ‘let’s do this!’ 

Present day, I have six amazing women who have decided to invest in me and my vision of celebrating ourselves as we are. Accepting our journey as ours, owning our own story and appreciating the amazing things about us. I trusted in the universe and the universe took care of me. 

Do you trust enough in yourself?

Do you trust in the universe, spirit, God?

Do you surrender your fears to the universe and believe you are being taken care of?

Give it a try. Let me know how it goes in the comments. 

Buon Anno a Tutti!!

Happy New Year!!

Love & Light,

Katie 

Focus on You

Focus on You

Focus on You

originally posted on Dec 23, 2019

I did something I never do, I spent money on myself and participated in an in-studio yoga retreat. I was so happy I did. I never like to purchase events like this for myself because the money is always tight. I sucked it up and paid the money and treated myself. It was a great experience just focusing on myself. I didn’t try to compare my practice to others in the class. I fully embraced myself just as I am. I accepted my limitations and challenged myself to fully immerse into the energy that was in the room. I didn’t judge myself at all. I moved the way spirit moved me. It felt amazing! 

When we bring attention to ourselves and how we want to feel, we can notice when others take advantage of our time and how good it feels to feel good. I recently had a great conversation with one of my students from Bodyflow. She expressed that my classes have given her a better understanding of self-care. She reiterated how she does not have a close support system around her but with joining the club and coming to classes, she has renewed her idea of feeling good for herself. She has realized the people who deserve her time and energy. 

Hearing from my students gives me a great sense of belonging and love. I am doing exactly what I was meant to do on this earth. Teach people to love themselves and feel good in the process. If it is with yoga, fitness classes, or personal training, I give my whole heart to them and make them aware that whatever we do in that hour, they are doing the best they can for themselves.

Doesn’t that feel good to hear?

You are doing the best for you today!

So if you need a break, a rest, time to breathe, why not get a massage, facial, take a yoga class, meditation class, whatever it is to help you go inward. Because if we don’t focus on how we are feeling on the inside, no one else will. 

FOCUS ON YOU!

Love & Light,

Katie 

Positive Self-Talk

Positive Self-Talk

Positive Self-Talk

originally posted Dec 3, 2019

In my adolescent years, I was incredibly hard on myself. In every aspect of my life. In sports, I played soccer since I was 6 years old. I was never nice to myself when I missed a play. In my mind on repeat I would say:

You are horrible, how could you do that, she was right there, pass to your f****ing teammate.

Needless to say, my self-talk was ALWAYS negative. When it came to school, I wasn’t all about getting the best grades. I did try hard to fit in with the popular girls. If it was a new club or the choir crowd in high school or a sleepover I was dying to get invited to. I always was trying to be someone else and also trying to stand out. I strived to be popular but I also hated following those popular girls. I knew I wasn’t being true to myself back then, I just never recognized it. I imitated the friends I looked up to but so badly I wanted to be myself. 

I wanted to perfect in certain aspects of my life and wanted to be footloose and fancy-free in many other parts of my life. I knew at an early age I was different than my counterparts. I knew there was something inside of me yearning to escape and take me on a journey. I didn’t know what kind of journey, I was a little nervous about this but knew it was what the stars had in mind for me. I was always mesmerized by the night sky, storms, anything that came from the gorgeous blue sky. Perhaps it was the divine energy of the universe that was calling me all those years ago.

Now at 38, I have started to change the way I talk to myself. First thing is to know that I am human, I am not perfect, I am flawed, I am me, no one else. You might not know this but I had a blog for 6 years about my life in Florence. I then found the man I married and thought, ‘who wants to hear about my life now’. I wasn’t doing anything special. More importantly, I wasn’t happy with my job in Florence towards the end. I was lost once again on what my next step would be.

‘What should my next chapter be called?’ my higher self asked.

At the time, I was happily getting married to an amazing man but did my chapter want to be titled, motherhood or married life with my husband, or yoga instructor. I struggled with that for the first few years after returning home.

My husband had always said to me, I want to travel the world with you. That was looking like the best plan for us. I loved the idea of traveling. But one thing was missing from this puzzle.

What is my purpose in this life? I need a plan.

What can I do with my life that will be beneficial to myself and others?

That is when I remembered I wanted to be a yoga instructor for the longest time. After being a Bodyflow instructor for many years, I wanted that added knowledge. Long story short, after my yoga training, I was back to negative self-talk because of how unsatisfactory my training was. I knew I needed to be strong to finish this training. After the $2900 I spent, I needed to ignore the negative energy I felt and received from that toxic environment. 

The only way I got through it was I felt all the feelings of anguish, anger, worry, doubt, fear within myself. I was then able to move on. I started doing community classes on a donation basis, to see how I felt teaching. The way I wanted to teach. It felt like my path. I felt all the feels, I did have to tame my self-talk so I didn’t self-sabotage. But I moved through it, felt it, and let it go. I realize now that I needed that challenging experience in yoga training to know how powerful and strong I actually was all along.

Are you still negatively talking to yourself? If not, have you been able to move past it and learn and grow?

Try to notice when you are talking badly to yourself. What can you do to change the self-talk? Would you talk like that if you were talking to a friend?

Love & Light,

Katie 

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