Apostoli, My Savior
originally posted Oct 28, 2019
It was a hard day at work, teaching English to spoiled Italian children, I made my way to Borgo Apostoli. Santi Apostoli is where I feel my worries and stress melt away. It was winter, so the church was even colder than outside. I warmed myself next to the candles where people look up and pray for loved ones and themselves. I lit myself a candle and looked up to the tabernacle which was adorned with Mary. All I said was ‘help me’ as tears streamed down my face. Help me with what, I don’t know. But at that time in my life I was lost in the streets of Florence, not knowing if what I was doing was impacting others or even advancing myself in this life. Was I on the right path? I knew there was more out there. More things I wanted to accomplish.
As I’m the ayurvedic dosha vata, and impatient in nature, I got frustrated so easily. Sitting in the pews of Santi Apostoli just breathing, feeling the energy around me, the good positive energy that brought me to this amazing city, I was able to calm down. I allowed myself to cry as much as I wanted, it was the only way to feel exactly what I was feeling. I was always told how emotional I was as a child. “I am passionate”, I thought to myself. “I know there is more out there.”
I never stopped at Santi Apostoli at the same time of day but when I needed to stop it always seemed to be open for me. Like it was waiting for me to arrive.
‘Feel what you need to feel, Katie’, it would say as I want walk through its’ wooden doors.
‘Then press on. You are where you need to be.’
Even after 5 years of moving away from my beloved city, I still feel its’ pull. Its’ energy telling me it is ok.
Keep your head up. Patience. Be authentically you.
Meditation doesn’t have to use a mantra, music or special equipment. Sometimes your meditation might just to be in your body, in your spirit, feel your feelings. Without judging how you are feeling, just let go of the anguish, pain, suffering, stress, worry, doubt. Move on then.
Our problem as a society, we don’t want to feel. We don’t want to feel the pain, the hurt, the struggle. But that is the main part of being human. We must feel the feeling in order to move through life. We cannot ignore it.
It can be a good feeling as well. Why not feel good once and awhile? Our other problem is not wanting to feel good. Because it is fleeting, perhaps it is setting us up for something bad that is just around the corner. So no one wants to really enjoy feeling good when we get a new job, buying a new house, or welcoming a new baby. Try to sit in a moment of feeling good once and awhile. Notice how it feels when you repeat to yourself
It’s good to feel good.
How does it feel inside?
All we want in this life to feel good in each moment. Yes, there are many moments when it is hard to feel good but what if you try to sit with yourself each morning and say to yourself:
Today is going to be a great day, a great day to feel good about myself, my day will be filled with feeling good moments.
Give it a try tomorrow morning. Report back. ?
Love & Light,