The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

Originally posted on April 23, 2020

This pandemic has tested my spiritual work. I struggled the last few weeks to get back to myself. I have been (as most of us have been) going up and down in the feelings spectrum.

Angry. Sad. Depressed. Anxious. Scared. Fearful. Optimistic. Happy. Loved. Supported. 

I know we are not alone in this. But we all  feel like our situation is different than the next persons’. And that is where anxiety takes hold like a cowboy on a horse ready to ride off into the sunset. Yehawwww. You are now under my control, anxiety replies, cunningly. I respond,  ‘Hello Anxiety, I see you. Hello Fear, would you like some tea with your cookies?’

Another great tactic, call you fear by its name. ‘Hi Fear, I see you behind the door. Come on out so I can deal with you.’

Since my last post, I have canceled my inaugural June Tuscany Retreat. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one. There was no way I would’ve felt comfortable to host six people in Tuscany. As much as I wanted to. 

I have had more stupid petty fights with my husband. They all end with a hug, thankfully. However, all of this anger is testing my spiritual growth. Basically saying to me, ‘You have more shit to work through, Katie.’ Childhood traumas, inner child issues and all of my anxiety and fears that have been hanging over me like a rain cloud for thirty-nine years. There is so much I need to let go of and forgive and stop apologizing for being the person I am.

The world needs me just the way I am.

I also created a YouTube channel for the yoga practices I have created for myself and clients. I love this creative outlet of developing my style of teaching yoga. I never liked seeing or hearing myself on camera, but here I am being me, on camera, with that voice and my disheveled hair. I am ok with it. I am proud of what I have created. Milly, my cat, has made a few guest appearances, mostly with her sitting in front of my iPad or licking her lady bits for all of YouTube to see. 

Meditation has been a daily activity for me. If I don’t have time to meditate during the day (lie, I always have time) I create art with my new set of paints. It is meditative for me. 

Today in meditation, I asked the universe what it thought about traveling to Italy this year. I got a clear response. I announced in my recent newsletter that I will still keep my Christmas in Florence Retreat on the website until I have a strong sign that it won’t happen. I am very much ok with it not running. Safety first.

My intention for this retreat is to share my beloved city to new travelers, yogis, meditators who want to rent a gorgeous apartment in the historic city center of Florence. I want to help all my friends who work with tourists. I want to give back. I want to bring them to my friend’s small vineyard in Chianti. I want to use my friend Max’s drivers to pick up my customers from the airport. I want to help my dear friend with her handmade jewelry business by hiring her to do a jewelry making class for us.

I want to help with all my heart and soul. 

My answer from my meditation was a maybe this retreat will run looking face  for December, but then the universe energetically pointed to my Florence Retreat in May and was nodding its head violently up and down to say,

THAT IS WHEN YOU ARE BRINGING PEOPLE TO FLORENCE. MAY 2021.

I always pick an oracle card or two after I meditate to ask the universe “to reveal to me what I need to know”. I picked Lord Ganesh, Infinite Abundance. Underneath the picture of the elephant headed god it reads: Obstacles are being removed. Spiritual support and connections are increasing. 

I totally feel this shift of connection and spiritual support. It is true, if after all this time in our homes we didn’t somehow go deeper within ourselves, then it was time wasted. I definitely have realized how much my spiritual work is needed to sustain my mindset for the future.

Something stuck with me in the extended message of Lord Ganesh:

It’s important at this time to move beyond the limitations of ‘it’s not meant to be’ and focus on ‘if this is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.’

Yes! I keep telling myself ‘if it’s meant to be, it will run’. 

However, the story needs to change now.

I am declaring it now:

If running the December retreat in Florence is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.

Keeping connecting to your higher self and all your queries, questions, uncertainties will be answered  and the universe will reveal to you if it is for your highest good. 

What are you working on spiritually for yourself?

Love & Light,

Kate

The Struggle

The Struggle

The Struggle

Originally posted April 7, 2020

I am struggling. Really struggling. Lack of connection. Lack of physical touch. Fear. Doubt. Worry. Uncertainty.

The practices I have taken on to comfort myself have been working but last night the ball was dropped. I had a horrible night of insomnia. Of Fear. Of worry. Of uncertainty. 

My day started off well. I decided to do 40 days of concentrated spiritual work. 3 times or maybe four times a day of spiritual breaks, no time limit on how long I spend. Enough time to feel relief. 

I went from listening to Gabby’s affirmation meditation 4 times in the morning. Then at 2pm I did a 20 minute kundalini meditation for manifesting. My afternoon was spent making art with my paints and colored pencils. I created a shield of protection through my art to help me stay grounded and feel the love that is around me. At 6pm, I did a Voo chant meditation and then EFT tapping meditation. I went to bed without watching the news or any type of news. I did one last EFT tapping for stress before I went to sleep. 

My beautiful cat, Milly, came up at a certain point and curled up next to me. I felt the energy from her. I felt how much I needed the love from her at that moment. Did I mention I was crying on and off all day? Yes. It was a hard day. Even though I set aside these spiritual breaks. 

The ball was dropped, all the spiritual work was thrown out the window, when Milly decided(as she does every night if we don’t put her in the basement) to wake me up. At midnight. While my husband was watching a show downstairs, I came down like a bat out of hell, sending death rays from my eyes at him.

I angrily asked him why are you still up? Why isn’t Milly downstairs? Why don’t you care about how I feel? Why don’t you care about how much I need sleep?

My anxiety was elevated to the highest it has been since this all started. I felt horrible in the moment of yelling at my amazing husband and how much I felt out of control.

How much I wanted to feel good.

How much I wanted to know that I am being taken care of.

Instead all of my anxiety gremlins emerged in my being and I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Anger was boiling up in my body. By the time my husband sneakily came to bed, I was livid. 

2 seconds go by. I hear…. Snore snore snore…. WTF!!!!

I yell out loud.

I am PISSED. I AM ANGRY. I AM PISSED!!! You can SO easily fall asleep and I am forced to listen to you fall asleep. I cannot handle this. 

I run out of the room and make as much noise while my dear, sweet husband exclaims back to me, feeling horrible, “I am sorry, I am sorry.”

I make my way to the second bedroom and lie face down on the floor next to the window that looks out into the pitch black darkness of night. In that moment, I felt the darkness flood over me.

The sadness.

The anger.

The hopefulness.

The fear. Oh FUCK the fear.

I sit up and start tapping. EFT (emotional freedom technique). It saved me. I kept looking into the darkness at 1:30 am and asked for Light. I saw the horizon of light among the tree line. I know there is light. Through darkness we will find the light. 

The wound is where the light enters you.

-Rumi

As I made my way back to bed, I felt awful, stupid, out of control, fearful, sad, shameful. I didn’t fall asleep until I put earplugs in so I didn’t have to hear my amazing, caring husband dream. 

I realized this morning the anger was still there, even after working out for 2 hours. As I predicted, we fought in between blaming each other for what happened last night, I didn’t feel I was being heard. I didn’t feel hopeful of this day to come. 

I decided I needed some air. I took a long walk listening to Gabby’s affirmation meditation on repeat. I cried to myself and tried to get myself out of this funk. I honored my feelings of fear, worry and more fear. I knew the first thing I was going to do when I walked into the door. 

Ask my husband for forgiveness.

Did I do it?

No.

I cried on the porch. He came out and just held me. Told me we are ok. It’s going to be ok.

Being held, that is what I needed. I couldn’t handle this angry energy anymore. It didn’t feel good.

I needed to be held. I needed to feel him listen to my energy. How drained I was from not sleeping. From working out for 2 hours. From being an angry person. Even as I write this, I am crying because after all I said and did to hurt his feelings. He still left for work and said,

“Don’t worry, I am sorry too, go to sleep, I’ll see you later.”

With a smile on his face, not pouting on who was right or wrong, not making me feel worse. He accepted the situation.

I was fucking tired.

We are captors in our home.

We are in a situation that the whole world is dealing with.

We are NOT ourselves.

We are in a pandemic that is altering so many lives. The worries, doubts, fears I have are still valid, I know. But knowing that there are many more people in worse situations makes me feel bad even writing this to you. 

My revelation on what has happened in my body since yesterday, I miss being held. My whole being misses physical connection. 

As Brene Brown says, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

I am imperfect. I am going to struggle more as this quarantine goes one. But I am still worthy of being loved and being held and belonging to this world. 

Who else is struggling?

Love & Light,

Kate

This Too Shall Pass

This Too Shall Pass

This Too Shall Pass

Originally posted on March 13, 2020

This too shall pass. Andra’ tutto bene. Everything will be fine. In this time of uncertainty, we rush to find certainty in life. We rush for supplies. We rush to protect loved ones. We rush to assumptions. We rush to the news. Too much rushing. Too much chaos. 

This is a perfect time to understand how much power we have as humans to change the story. Yes, the TV is creating more anxiety. Why not turn it off? Perhaps play a board game with your child, friend, roommate, partner. Live in the present moment. How does that sound? This is all we have right now. The Present Moment.

Take this time to connect with your spiritual self. Your higher self has already found a way to deal with this. Ask him or her. Talk to your spirit guides and know that they are on your side. 

Change the story by changing the thoughts in your mind. Did you know you have the choice of picking your thoughts? Your ego dictates a lot but you have the power to steer clear of the negative, fear-based thoughts. Like a friend said to me this week “No fear-based thought will change the outcome”. Read that again. You imagining what could happen is not helping and will not change how the outcome develops. 

Another dear friend mentioned this after my class today, “We are going for a ride like we are about to get on a rollercoaster”. When waiting to get on a rollercoaster you have butterflies in your stomach, anticipating the twists and turns and upside-down movement, but until you get on the rollercoaster you can’t really know how it will be. Right? Your mind is always preparing you for the fight or flight mode. 

We must be vigilant to take the proper precautions and that is all. Don’t do what I did yesterday, watching and reading everything people are saying about this pandemic. Hell, I did it earlier today as well. IT DOES NOT HELP.

Take a walk. Write in your journal. Binge-watch your favorite funny show. Read that book you have been meaning to read. Connect more with your children. Connect more with yourself. 

One of the exercises I like to do when my mind starts turning negative and fear-based is the Choose Again Method.

  1. Notice the fearful thought. We are being consumed by fear and uncertainty and pressure. Be gentle with yourself and become aware of the thought. It is normal that you have those thoughts. Now notice where you are feeling this fear-based thought. I feel it in my chest and my breathing starts to speed up. Give yourself a chance to pinpoint where the fear wants to set up camp. Start to breathe deeply into that part of your body. Honor the feeling and the thought. 
  2. Forgive the thought. The second step is to forgive yourself for having the thought. We want to forgive the thought that makes us obsessed, panicked and anxiety-ridden. Maybe we are a healthy person and are obsessing about being unwell. Just forgive yourself for going over the top in panic. Simply say, “I forgive this thought.” Abraham-Hicks says a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking. If you keep a thought on repeat that thought eventually becomes your reality. There is a serious pandemic going on. It is how we choose to perceive our reality that is important. You can choose the how of your experience. We can then release our thoughts by forgiving them. 
  3. Choose again. The third step is to choose again. Maybe you have a thought like this: “I’m going to get the coronavirus and I’m terrified.” Once you have witnessed the thought, forgive the thought, next is to choose the next best feeling thought. It could be something like this: “I am healthy right now.” Or “I am taking the proper precautions”.

One by one, reach for the thoughts that make you feel better. Whatever good feeling thoughts keep reaching for them to get you out of the chaotic mindset. 


We have the ability to change the story for us. One by one, we can choose a better feeling thought and keep the positivity flowing from one corner of the world to the other. We will get through this.

In Italian, Andra’ tutto bene

Self-care is key here. Meditate. Read. Take a bath. Workout. Move your body. Eat a healthy diet. Hydrate. Use this time to finally take care of yourself. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Inside and out.

What are some self-care steps you can start implementing into your life?

Tell me in the comments.

Love & Light,

Kate

Balance

Balance

Balance

Originally posted March 6 2020

Balance is one of the hardest things for my students. I get comments all the time on how their balance was good last week, what happened to me this week? People get so frustrated with themselves. It doesn’t have to do with age, there are plenty of young people who struggle with their balance.

As a teacher, I shouldn’t assume my younger students are able to balance better than my older students. I mistakenly did that to my best friend. I taught her yoga  in the comfort of her home recently and I noticed I was wondering why her balance wasn’t as good. I felt bad and I honestly said, “I’m sorry I assumed your balance was at a certain level”. This was my fault. I quickly chose different poses so she felt confident in her skin.

I want my students to feel empowered wherever they are in life. That’s something I’m always striving to do with my students. I never want anyone to walk out feeling defeated or offended that I assumed they should be in a certain position. Everyone’s different and we can never, as teachers, believe that there is only one right or wrong way. 

Balance isn’t only a physical aspect we have trouble with. Dealing with the balance in our lives is another obstacle. Balancing family, work and play is a huge problem we have to conquer each day. Trying to decide when is the right time for you to sit with a good book or take a warm epsom salt bath as opposed to giving your time and energy to others.

Do you think about giving to yourself first?

Do you neglect yourself when something else comes up?

A friend calls and you answer right away knowing she or he needs you. You drop everything when your child forgets about a project due the next day. You give all your attention to your husband or wife after his  or her hard day, even when you had an equally hard day, 

Does any of this sound familiar?

Do you then keep this pattern of giving to others more than yourself? 

Boundaries can be established when you want your own self-care time. This is not selfish. Women, in particular, need this time to unplug, disengage, replenish, rejuvenate themselves. As women, we feel bad to take this time for ourselves. Even if you don’t have kids, you might feel like you should do laundry instead of taking a yoga class. This does not mean you neglect or ignore family or loved ones. You simply make a choice to bring attention to yourself when you need it the most. No one can run all day long and not have a chance to recharge their batteries. Think about that.

Do you tend to run on a low battery toward the end of the night?

Start to notice the reactions your body makes when you are run down, tired, exhausted.

How can you change your mindset on balance, self-care, self-love?

Perhaps come and immerse yourself in Italy with me in 2021. We will work on self-love, self-care and learn how to focus on yourself. Check out the retreats coming up.

Click here to learn more about our experiences.

Love & Light,

Kate

Connections

Connections

Connections

,,edOriginally posted March 2 2020

I was always told as a young child that I was an old soul. I felt it too. I have connected well with older adults when I was younger. I loved their stories most of all. I am enthralled by stories. Recently, a student of mine was telling me about her time in Russia right after the Soviet Union fell. Oh, the stories she had. About spies, not knowing where the taxi would take her, the people she met in the war-torn country. I mean it felt like a book to be read. And she needed to be the writer of that book. 

My grandfather, Papa as he was called, had the most AMAZING stories of the war and his travels to Italy and then England where he met my Nana. There was something about his stories. I felt like I was there with him. I listened intently to every single detail. Laughed along with him when there was a punchline, I was always connected to him energetically when these stories came up. After a while, I remembered every single one, because he would repeat the same ones as he got older. I didn’t mind though because he was a great storyteller. I miss those stories to this day. 

I had a professor in college that lured me into his stories of philosophers, artists of many years ago. The way he taught was a sight. He would walk around the room like he was an actor on stage. Certain points he would lean on to the wall and lift his leg up to be dramatic. You had to be there. I don’t remember all his stories and lessons but I do remember how he made me feel. I was emotional connected to his storytelling. Once I found Dr. Poling, I made sure he was my professor for the rest of my years at Saint Mary’s University. Every semester, I got him as a teacher of something. Philosophy of art, Intro to Philosophy, any of his classes I signed up for. He even created a class just for me during my senior year in school. We studied Rene Descartes. To this day, I confide in him through email. Oh, the stories he still tells. It’s like I never left and our friendship still starts where we left off. The best feeling in the world to have a connection with someone who inspires you to be better, do better and always is on your side even when you can’t see or hear him. 

At this stage in my life, I crave connections. REAL connections with people. My tribe is out there somewhere I know. I have found some of you but I hope to connect with more people each and every year. 

I have no doubt that this post will be sent out to the universe to bring more people like me to me who will be my kindred spirits. I encourage anyone who would like to connect, comment below.

A quote that I like referring to your tribe is: 

 

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”

-Rumi

Light and Love,
Katie 

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