The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

Originally posted on April 23, 2020

This pandemic has tested my spiritual work. I struggled the last few weeks to get back to myself. I have been (as most of us have been) going up and down in the feelings spectrum.

Angry. Sad. Depressed. Anxious. Scared. Fearful. Optimistic. Happy. Loved. Supported. 

I know we are not alone in this. But we all  feel like our situation is different than the next persons’. And that is where anxiety takes hold like a cowboy on a horse ready to ride off into the sunset. Yehawwww. You are now under my control, anxiety replies, cunningly. I respond,  ‘Hello Anxiety, I see you. Hello Fear, would you like some tea with your cookies?’

Another great tactic, call you fear by its name. ‘Hi Fear, I see you behind the door. Come on out so I can deal with you.’

Since my last post, I have canceled my inaugural June Tuscany Retreat. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one. There was no way I would’ve felt comfortable to host six people in Tuscany. As much as I wanted to. 

I have had more stupid petty fights with my husband. They all end with a hug, thankfully. However, all of this anger is testing my spiritual growth. Basically saying to me, ‘You have more shit to work through, Katie.’ Childhood traumas, inner child issues and all of my anxiety and fears that have been hanging over me like a rain cloud for thirty-nine years. There is so much I need to let go of and forgive and stop apologizing for being the person I am.

The world needs me just the way I am.

I also created a YouTube channel for the yoga practices I have created for myself and clients. I love this creative outlet of developing my style of teaching yoga. I never liked seeing or hearing myself on camera, but here I am being me, on camera, with that voice and my disheveled hair. I am ok with it. I am proud of what I have created. Milly, my cat, has made a few guest appearances, mostly with her sitting in front of my iPad or licking her lady bits for all of YouTube to see. 

Meditation has been a daily activity for me. If I don’t have time to meditate during the day (lie, I always have time) I create art with my new set of paints. It is meditative for me. 

Today in meditation, I asked the universe what it thought about traveling to Italy this year. I got a clear response. I announced in my recent newsletter that I will still keep my Christmas in Florence Retreat on the website until I have a strong sign that it won’t happen. I am very much ok with it not running. Safety first.

My intention for this retreat is to share my beloved city to new travelers, yogis, meditators who want to rent a gorgeous apartment in the historic city center of Florence. I want to help all my friends who work with tourists. I want to give back. I want to bring them to my friend’s small vineyard in Chianti. I want to use my friend Max’s drivers to pick up my customers from the airport. I want to help my dear friend with her handmade jewelry business by hiring her to do a jewelry making class for us.

I want to help with all my heart and soul. 

My answer from my meditation was a maybe this retreat will run looking face  for December, but then the universe energetically pointed to my Florence Retreat in May and was nodding its head violently up and down to say,

THAT IS WHEN YOU ARE BRINGING PEOPLE TO FLORENCE. MAY 2021.

I always pick an oracle card or two after I meditate to ask the universe “to reveal to me what I need to know”. I picked Lord Ganesh, Infinite Abundance. Underneath the picture of the elephant headed god it reads: Obstacles are being removed. Spiritual support and connections are increasing. 

I totally feel this shift of connection and spiritual support. It is true, if after all this time in our homes we didn’t somehow go deeper within ourselves, then it was time wasted. I definitely have realized how much my spiritual work is needed to sustain my mindset for the future.

Something stuck with me in the extended message of Lord Ganesh:

It’s important at this time to move beyond the limitations of ‘it’s not meant to be’ and focus on ‘if this is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.’

Yes! I keep telling myself ‘if it’s meant to be, it will run’. 

However, the story needs to change now.

I am declaring it now:

If running the December retreat in Florence is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.

Keeping connecting to your higher self and all your queries, questions, uncertainties will be answered  and the universe will reveal to you if it is for your highest good. 

What are you working on spiritually for yourself?

Love & Light,

Kate

Makes Waves

Makes Waves

Makes Waves

Originally posted Feb 5, 2020

Make waves — It’s your turn to make a splash and rock a few creaky boats. Don’t be afraid to get wet. You may fail, you may look foolish, or you may make people think in a new way. Every great trailblazer and change-maker made waves. You’re no different.

A few weekends ago, I took a chance on a retreat nearby. I was reluctant to spend the money but I had too many signs to pass it up. I enjoyed every minute of it. We were limited time with our devices and we were focused on going inward. I noticed how much I am controlled by my devices. It was great to be away from it for most of the weekend. I learned to be with my thoughts more. I was aware of how I was thinking and talking to myself. I could choose again if a thought triggered me into fear or doubt.

I felt like I was seen. I didn’t know these people very well and it was important for me to speak my truth and be heard and seen. Even when I realized that I was talking too much, I felt the feeling of being “too much” and forgave myself for the thought of “no one cares about your husband and what he does for you”. 

During the weekend, I opened up and told someone about my retreat. I wasn’t ashamed about it, or talked it down. I said how excited I was. I didn’t force anyone to agree with me. I didn’t beg anyone to come. My ego (Inner Asshole) wrote those last two sentences. My IA talks me down a lot,  but I now realize when he is speaking and not my authentic self. 

Have you found yourself in the negative story spiral? I know I am usually there a few times a day. 

Try this: Choose Again Method

  1. Notice the negative fear based thought and how it feels.
  2. Forgive yourself for having the thought
  3. Choose again — reach for the next best feeling thought.

My mantra after the negative thought is:

I choose peace instead of this.

Make waves in your life. Don’t let others’ opinions or non-opinions steer you from your goal. Change the tides. Move mountains. Shine your light out to the world.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” -Anna Quinlen

Love & Light,

Katie 

When You Show Up

When You Show Up

When You Show Up

Originally posted on Jan 28 2020

I’ve been holding myself back for many years. What others said about me or to me has controlled how I chose my next step. It all started in childhood. I never spoke up as much as I thought I did. I held my breath in certain conversations with friends and family. I had people in my life who made me feel guilty, ashamed and scared. I was influenced by fear for many years. Let me clarify that this is not referring to abuse (physical or emotional), it was mostly how people scolded me when I made a mistake. As I grew up, whenever I made a mistake, I feared the reaction of my family and friends. 

These feelings led up to me moving abroad and finding my place in this world by being my own person. I didn’t need anyone’s opinion on what I was doing when I decided to move abroad. Yes, I was always feeling the dread and fear from my family because of my decision. But I kept my eye on the prize.

Italy.

Florence.

All alone.

On my own two feet.

Paying rent.

Working long hours.

All on me. Because it was MY decision.

I didn’t pursue what others did in their 20s. I didn’t want to follow ANYONE. I was the follower during my childhood, from the popular cliques to making the best soccer team. I wanted to fit in but also eager to shine my light. My authentic self. It was yearning to be seen.

When I arrived in Florence, no one expected anything from me. I was my own person from the start. I showed my friends who I really was. My authentic self. Perhaps that is why one of my closest friends has always been there for me for 16 years. I knew I could reach out to him while living in Florence. 

I showed up in Florence. I showed up and allowed people to see me. I fell in love while in Florence. I let that person see me for me. I didn’t put on a show and try to make him love me. I didn’t try to change who I was for him. He didn’t try to change himself for me either. I accepted him as he was and he accepted me. It was the greatest lesson I’ve learned. I was myself from the first day I met him to the moment he asked me to marry him. He is now my partner in life. 

Learn to take a chance on yourself. You have the power to dream big, be seen and shine your light. Be authentically you. 

Defined by Brene Brown in her book The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Authenticity is a daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

We were created for a reason. There’s only one YOU. Share your gifts with the world. The world needs you!

“When you avoid conflict to make peace with other people, you start a war within.”

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

“What we resist, persists.” Abraham-Hicks

Follow your intuition. It is always right. 

Love & Light, 

Katie

Only Love is Real

Only Love is Real

Only Love is Real

This year has changed from being the year I launch my first retreat, to the year I cancel said retreat. The year that expresses there is a reason why this pandemic is here. It is wreaking havoc on people (front-line workers), families and causing the world’s economy to come to a complete stop.

I was sad at first. But then I realized that I needed this year to prepare. Heal myself. Learn more. Grow more. And come into my own. 

Since the world was hit by this pandemic, I’ve tried to surround myself with stories of love, hope and support.

I only watch funny movies. I meditate more often. I create art to get me through the days. I use art to express my emotions, inner child trauma, and limiting beliefs I’ve held in my being for so long.

Needless to say, it’s been a transforming (almost) three months closed inside my home. 

One amazing perk, I’ve grown closer to my husband. Even with our (my) own outbursts, anger spells and crying uncontrollably, he’s been by my side.

The key to marriage is communication. In fact, it has been the basis of our relationship from the very beginning. I remember when I told him the goal I had of our relationship.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, I said, “You need to tell me when you are not happy with me or something isn’t right in our relationship.”

He replied, with a smile. “Ok.”

It is still the basis of our relationship. Even more now as our (my) emotions are out of control and say to him in a loud, stern voice, “I am angry because our trip to Italy is off. We won’t have a vacation this summer. I am sad that your vacation will be here with me in this house that we’ve been in for the past 3 months together.”

It felt great to get that off my chest. Just expressing your feelings does make a difference in your body. Give it a try sometime. 

Another perk, I’ve reconnected to friends whom I thought I’d never find the connection again. One friend in particular has caught me by surprise. She and I were partners in crime in Florence back from 2008 to 2011.

We painted Florence red each and every night we went out. We lived life to the fullest. We made our own mistakes and learned from them by staying by each other sides during those dark times. We grew and shaped ourselves living in my beloved city.

She taught me how to be kind. She gave me strength when I was struggling emotionally and financially in Florence.

And then, I let her slip through my fingers for many selfish reasons.

Worst mistake of my life.

I didn’t know what I lost until she was gone.

I am grateful that she and I are now back in regular communication as of a few years back. I wrote her a long email to let her know how much I cared for her and how bad I felt when we lost touch.

Last June, I met her for lunch in our beloved Florence. It was like not a day had passed. The lunch flew by. I didn’t even finish my salad.

I just had so much I wanted to tell her. But I got the best gift from her that day: LOVE.

I felt her love. I felt her as if we didn’t have a falling out. I felt how lucky I am to have a friend like her.

She is still living her life in Florence after 10+ years with her amazing husband and two adorable, bilingual children. I am forever grateful that I wrote her that email. 

Your time on this earth is short, make sure you tell people you love them.

Share love and kindness with whoever needs it. A simple smile, with your eyes, a ‘thank you’ to the man sanitizing the carts at the store, a phone call to a friend that is struggling, listening to a friend who needs to vent. These are all examples of love. 

So much tragedy has happened in these months. Feeling bad for myself because I can’t travel, makes me feel so horrible.

All the people who died alone in a lonely hospital bed really makes my heart hurt. I think about them every day. 

The loved ones that only got to see the dying through a facetime call that the amazing healthcare workers offered to do. That is what I call courage, support and LOVE.

There are millions of people all over the world who are without food, struggling to pay their bills, in unhealthy, abusive relationships, scared to be outside because of their health. Not just because of the virus, all these fears are heightened even more. 

The one thing that I keep sending to those in need is LOVE.

Only love is real. 

As much as I wish I was hosting a retreat in Tuscany this summer, I know this pandemic happened for a reason.

Pick yours:

  • Heal the Earth
  • Slow down
  • Focus on what’s important
  • Learn something new
  • Connect with a loved one
  • Heal yourself
  • Love yourself more

The list can go on.

For me, I choose to focus on what I REALLY want to do with my life. I’ve been on the path of self-care and wellness since December 2019. This year is my year to heal, grow and share my story with people that need inspiration, love and support. Because we all need that.

I feel in all of my being, my intention is being heard by the universe. I’ve received the sign.

My heart wants to share so many gifts with the world. It is MY time. 

 

What have you decided to focus on this time at home? Are you looking for a change? Are you missing a long lost friend?

Share with me in the comments what you are feeling these days.

Love & Light,

Kate

Positive Self-Talk

Positive Self-Talk

Positive Self-Talk

originally posted Dec 3, 2019

In my adolescent years, I was incredibly hard on myself. In every aspect of my life. In sports, I played soccer since I was 6 years old. I was never nice to myself when I missed a play. In my mind on repeat I would say:

You are horrible, how could you do that, she was right there, pass to your f****ing teammate.

Needless to say, my self-talk was ALWAYS negative. When it came to school, I wasn’t all about getting the best grades. I did try hard to fit in with the popular girls. If it was a new club or the choir crowd in high school or a sleepover I was dying to get invited to. I always was trying to be someone else and also trying to stand out. I strived to be popular but I also hated following those popular girls. I knew I wasn’t being true to myself back then, I just never recognized it. I imitated the friends I looked up to but so badly I wanted to be myself. 

I wanted to perfect in certain aspects of my life and wanted to be footloose and fancy-free in many other parts of my life. I knew at an early age I was different than my counterparts. I knew there was something inside of me yearning to escape and take me on a journey. I didn’t know what kind of journey, I was a little nervous about this but knew it was what the stars had in mind for me. I was always mesmerized by the night sky, storms, anything that came from the gorgeous blue sky. Perhaps it was the divine energy of the universe that was calling me all those years ago.

Now at 38, I have started to change the way I talk to myself. First thing is to know that I am human, I am not perfect, I am flawed, I am me, no one else. You might not know this but I had a blog for 6 years about my life in Florence. I then found the man I married and thought, ‘who wants to hear about my life now’. I wasn’t doing anything special. More importantly, I wasn’t happy with my job in Florence towards the end. I was lost once again on what my next step would be.

‘What should my next chapter be called?’ my higher self asked.

At the time, I was happily getting married to an amazing man but did my chapter want to be titled, motherhood or married life with my husband, or yoga instructor. I struggled with that for the first few years after returning home.

My husband had always said to me, I want to travel the world with you. That was looking like the best plan for us. I loved the idea of traveling. But one thing was missing from this puzzle.

What is my purpose in this life? I need a plan.

What can I do with my life that will be beneficial to myself and others?

That is when I remembered I wanted to be a yoga instructor for the longest time. After being a Bodyflow instructor for many years, I wanted that added knowledge. Long story short, after my yoga training, I was back to negative self-talk because of how unsatisfactory my training was. I knew I needed to be strong to finish this training. After the $2900 I spent, I needed to ignore the negative energy I felt and received from that toxic environment. 

The only way I got through it was I felt all the feelings of anguish, anger, worry, doubt, fear within myself. I was then able to move on. I started doing community classes on a donation basis, to see how I felt teaching. The way I wanted to teach. It felt like my path. I felt all the feels, I did have to tame my self-talk so I didn’t self-sabotage. But I moved through it, felt it, and let it go. I realize now that I needed that challenging experience in yoga training to know how powerful and strong I actually was all along.

Are you still negatively talking to yourself? If not, have you been able to move past it and learn and grow?

Try to notice when you are talking badly to yourself. What can you do to change the self-talk? Would you talk like that if you were talking to a friend?

Love & Light,

Katie 

Light up the World

Light up the World

Light up the World

originally posted Nov 16, 2019

The messages I have been receiving these past few months have been telling me that I am here to help people. I am here to light up the world with what I have learned myself. Many times over, I have been someone’s shoulder to cry on, a sounding board, or just someone to vent to. I was always able to welcome people because my innate nature to help and guide people comes from a loving place. Because I know what it is like. I know how hard it is to live on your own, find your passion, be hopeful the love of your life will enter when you are ready. These are all common worries and trials people go through early in life. Perhaps even later in life. 

I’ve noticed after being that person, someone that listened to peoples’ life trials, I felt really bad afterwards. The energy they were giving off started to stick to me like glue. I unfortunately didn’t know how to protect myself. This has gone on for many years when I have taken the bad, negative, angry energy of one person and made it my own. Being so susceptible to energy, good and bad, I needed to learn how I can still shine my light but not take bad, discarded energy from others. To protect myself, I cross my legs and arms in the presence of energy that is not mine. I continue to cross my legs and arms until they are no longer in sight. Since figuring this trick out I have not felt as heavy, holding onto their draining energy. I am honored that so many people want to be around my energy. But I think it is hard for some people to understand how their energy affects people.

Another stepping stone in being a teacher,  is how to say no when people (mostly friends or co-workers) have used your energy far to often and have not given back to you. How drained do you think I feel? Don’t get me wrong I love helping my friends and family but when it becomes more one-sided, I can not help anymore. When I meet with students from my yoga and meditation classes, I give them my all and imagine the energy is a cycle always coming back to me, as a thank you. Even if it is more one-sided in a class setting, I know how to hold the space for my students and give them my complete love and energy to help them get through. The cycle of breath becomes the energy cycle I use to move through the class. 

After my mediation today, I used the deck of Keepers of the light and picked Light Activation. The extended message lit me up inside:

“You are here to light up the world. You may feel that you are being pushed or that there is a lot going on at once, and this is because your energy is magnetic to others and they want it in their life. Take the time to listen to your inner voice. Remember the cosmic light of heaven and draw it into you. That is all you need to do to inspire the world.”

Begin to notice how you feel when you are giving energy as opposed to receiving energy. Then notice who sucks your energy dry. Those people or things should have bourdaries so to not drain you completely.

What makes you feel lit up? Who is around you when you shine your light? What is the emotion that is expressed when you light up the world?

Love and Light,

Katie 

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