The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

The Universe is Always Supporting Me

Originally posted on April 23, 2020

This pandemic has tested my spiritual work. I struggled the last few weeks to get back to myself. I have been (as most of us have been) going up and down in the feelings spectrum.

Angry. Sad. Depressed. Anxious. Scared. Fearful. Optimistic. Happy. Loved. Supported. 

I know we are not alone in this. But we all  feel like our situation is different than the next persons’. And that is where anxiety takes hold like a cowboy on a horse ready to ride off into the sunset. Yehawwww. You are now under my control, anxiety replies, cunningly. I respond,  ‘Hello Anxiety, I see you. Hello Fear, would you like some tea with your cookies?’

Another great tactic, call you fear by its name. ‘Hi Fear, I see you behind the door. Come on out so I can deal with you.’

Since my last post, I have canceled my inaugural June Tuscany Retreat. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one. There was no way I would’ve felt comfortable to host six people in Tuscany. As much as I wanted to. 

I have had more stupid petty fights with my husband. They all end with a hug, thankfully. However, all of this anger is testing my spiritual growth. Basically saying to me, ‘You have more shit to work through, Katie.’ Childhood traumas, inner child issues and all of my anxiety and fears that have been hanging over me like a rain cloud for thirty-nine years. There is so much I need to let go of and forgive and stop apologizing for being the person I am.

The world needs me just the way I am.

I also created a YouTube channel for the yoga practices I have created for myself and clients. I love this creative outlet of developing my style of teaching yoga. I never liked seeing or hearing myself on camera, but here I am being me, on camera, with that voice and my disheveled hair. I am ok with it. I am proud of what I have created. Milly, my cat, has made a few guest appearances, mostly with her sitting in front of my iPad or licking her lady bits for all of YouTube to see. 

Meditation has been a daily activity for me. If I don’t have time to meditate during the day (lie, I always have time) I create art with my new set of paints. It is meditative for me. 

Today in meditation, I asked the universe what it thought about traveling to Italy this year. I got a clear response. I announced in my recent newsletter that I will still keep my Christmas in Florence Retreat on the website until I have a strong sign that it won’t happen. I am very much ok with it not running. Safety first.

My intention for this retreat is to share my beloved city to new travelers, yogis, meditators who want to rent a gorgeous apartment in the historic city center of Florence. I want to help all my friends who work with tourists. I want to give back. I want to bring them to my friend’s small vineyard in Chianti. I want to use my friend Max’s drivers to pick up my customers from the airport. I want to help my dear friend with her handmade jewelry business by hiring her to do a jewelry making class for us.

I want to help with all my heart and soul. 

My answer from my meditation was a maybe this retreat will run looking face  for December, but then the universe energetically pointed to my Florence Retreat in May and was nodding its head violently up and down to say,

THAT IS WHEN YOU ARE BRINGING PEOPLE TO FLORENCE. MAY 2021.

I always pick an oracle card or two after I meditate to ask the universe “to reveal to me what I need to know”. I picked Lord Ganesh, Infinite Abundance. Underneath the picture of the elephant headed god it reads: Obstacles are being removed. Spiritual support and connections are increasing. 

I totally feel this shift of connection and spiritual support. It is true, if after all this time in our homes we didn’t somehow go deeper within ourselves, then it was time wasted. I definitely have realized how much my spiritual work is needed to sustain my mindset for the future.

Something stuck with me in the extended message of Lord Ganesh:

It’s important at this time to move beyond the limitations of ‘it’s not meant to be’ and focus on ‘if this is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.’

Yes! I keep telling myself ‘if it’s meant to be, it will run’. 

However, the story needs to change now.

I am declaring it now:

If running the December retreat in Florence is for my highest good then the universe will take me there safely.

Keeping connecting to your higher self and all your queries, questions, uncertainties will be answered  and the universe will reveal to you if it is for your highest good. 

What are you working on spiritually for yourself?

Love & Light,

Kate

The Struggle

The Struggle

The Struggle

Originally posted April 7, 2020

I am struggling. Really struggling. Lack of connection. Lack of physical touch. Fear. Doubt. Worry. Uncertainty.

The practices I have taken on to comfort myself have been working but last night the ball was dropped. I had a horrible night of insomnia. Of Fear. Of worry. Of uncertainty. 

My day started off well. I decided to do 40 days of concentrated spiritual work. 3 times or maybe four times a day of spiritual breaks, no time limit on how long I spend. Enough time to feel relief. 

I went from listening to Gabby’s affirmation meditation 4 times in the morning. Then at 2pm I did a 20 minute kundalini meditation for manifesting. My afternoon was spent making art with my paints and colored pencils. I created a shield of protection through my art to help me stay grounded and feel the love that is around me. At 6pm, I did a Voo chant meditation and then EFT tapping meditation. I went to bed without watching the news or any type of news. I did one last EFT tapping for stress before I went to sleep. 

My beautiful cat, Milly, came up at a certain point and curled up next to me. I felt the energy from her. I felt how much I needed the love from her at that moment. Did I mention I was crying on and off all day? Yes. It was a hard day. Even though I set aside these spiritual breaks. 

The ball was dropped, all the spiritual work was thrown out the window, when Milly decided(as she does every night if we don’t put her in the basement) to wake me up. At midnight. While my husband was watching a show downstairs, I came down like a bat out of hell, sending death rays from my eyes at him.

I angrily asked him why are you still up? Why isn’t Milly downstairs? Why don’t you care about how I feel? Why don’t you care about how much I need sleep?

My anxiety was elevated to the highest it has been since this all started. I felt horrible in the moment of yelling at my amazing husband and how much I felt out of control.

How much I wanted to feel good.

How much I wanted to know that I am being taken care of.

Instead all of my anxiety gremlins emerged in my being and I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Anger was boiling up in my body. By the time my husband sneakily came to bed, I was livid. 

2 seconds go by. I hear…. Snore snore snore…. WTF!!!!

I yell out loud.

I am PISSED. I AM ANGRY. I AM PISSED!!! You can SO easily fall asleep and I am forced to listen to you fall asleep. I cannot handle this. 

I run out of the room and make as much noise while my dear, sweet husband exclaims back to me, feeling horrible, “I am sorry, I am sorry.”

I make my way to the second bedroom and lie face down on the floor next to the window that looks out into the pitch black darkness of night. In that moment, I felt the darkness flood over me.

The sadness.

The anger.

The hopefulness.

The fear. Oh FUCK the fear.

I sit up and start tapping. EFT (emotional freedom technique). It saved me. I kept looking into the darkness at 1:30 am and asked for Light. I saw the horizon of light among the tree line. I know there is light. Through darkness we will find the light. 

The wound is where the light enters you.

-Rumi

As I made my way back to bed, I felt awful, stupid, out of control, fearful, sad, shameful. I didn’t fall asleep until I put earplugs in so I didn’t have to hear my amazing, caring husband dream. 

I realized this morning the anger was still there, even after working out for 2 hours. As I predicted, we fought in between blaming each other for what happened last night, I didn’t feel I was being heard. I didn’t feel hopeful of this day to come. 

I decided I needed some air. I took a long walk listening to Gabby’s affirmation meditation on repeat. I cried to myself and tried to get myself out of this funk. I honored my feelings of fear, worry and more fear. I knew the first thing I was going to do when I walked into the door. 

Ask my husband for forgiveness.

Did I do it?

No.

I cried on the porch. He came out and just held me. Told me we are ok. It’s going to be ok.

Being held, that is what I needed. I couldn’t handle this angry energy anymore. It didn’t feel good.

I needed to be held. I needed to feel him listen to my energy. How drained I was from not sleeping. From working out for 2 hours. From being an angry person. Even as I write this, I am crying because after all I said and did to hurt his feelings. He still left for work and said,

“Don’t worry, I am sorry too, go to sleep, I’ll see you later.”

With a smile on his face, not pouting on who was right or wrong, not making me feel worse. He accepted the situation.

I was fucking tired.

We are captors in our home.

We are in a situation that the whole world is dealing with.

We are NOT ourselves.

We are in a pandemic that is altering so many lives. The worries, doubts, fears I have are still valid, I know. But knowing that there are many more people in worse situations makes me feel bad even writing this to you. 

My revelation on what has happened in my body since yesterday, I miss being held. My whole being misses physical connection. 

As Brene Brown says, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

I am imperfect. I am going to struggle more as this quarantine goes one. But I am still worthy of being loved and being held and belonging to this world. 

Who else is struggling?

Love & Light,

Kate

This Too Shall Pass

This Too Shall Pass

This Too Shall Pass

Originally posted on March 13, 2020

This too shall pass. Andra’ tutto bene. Everything will be fine. In this time of uncertainty, we rush to find certainty in life. We rush for supplies. We rush to protect loved ones. We rush to assumptions. We rush to the news. Too much rushing. Too much chaos. 

This is a perfect time to understand how much power we have as humans to change the story. Yes, the TV is creating more anxiety. Why not turn it off? Perhaps play a board game with your child, friend, roommate, partner. Live in the present moment. How does that sound? This is all we have right now. The Present Moment.

Take this time to connect with your spiritual self. Your higher self has already found a way to deal with this. Ask him or her. Talk to your spirit guides and know that they are on your side. 

Change the story by changing the thoughts in your mind. Did you know you have the choice of picking your thoughts? Your ego dictates a lot but you have the power to steer clear of the negative, fear-based thoughts. Like a friend said to me this week “No fear-based thought will change the outcome”. Read that again. You imagining what could happen is not helping and will not change how the outcome develops. 

Another dear friend mentioned this after my class today, “We are going for a ride like we are about to get on a rollercoaster”. When waiting to get on a rollercoaster you have butterflies in your stomach, anticipating the twists and turns and upside-down movement, but until you get on the rollercoaster you can’t really know how it will be. Right? Your mind is always preparing you for the fight or flight mode. 

We must be vigilant to take the proper precautions and that is all. Don’t do what I did yesterday, watching and reading everything people are saying about this pandemic. Hell, I did it earlier today as well. IT DOES NOT HELP.

Take a walk. Write in your journal. Binge-watch your favorite funny show. Read that book you have been meaning to read. Connect more with your children. Connect more with yourself. 

One of the exercises I like to do when my mind starts turning negative and fear-based is the Choose Again Method.

  1. Notice the fearful thought. We are being consumed by fear and uncertainty and pressure. Be gentle with yourself and become aware of the thought. It is normal that you have those thoughts. Now notice where you are feeling this fear-based thought. I feel it in my chest and my breathing starts to speed up. Give yourself a chance to pinpoint where the fear wants to set up camp. Start to breathe deeply into that part of your body. Honor the feeling and the thought. 
  2. Forgive the thought. The second step is to forgive yourself for having the thought. We want to forgive the thought that makes us obsessed, panicked and anxiety-ridden. Maybe we are a healthy person and are obsessing about being unwell. Just forgive yourself for going over the top in panic. Simply say, “I forgive this thought.” Abraham-Hicks says a belief is just a thought that you keep thinking. If you keep a thought on repeat that thought eventually becomes your reality. There is a serious pandemic going on. It is how we choose to perceive our reality that is important. You can choose the how of your experience. We can then release our thoughts by forgiving them. 
  3. Choose again. The third step is to choose again. Maybe you have a thought like this: “I’m going to get the coronavirus and I’m terrified.” Once you have witnessed the thought, forgive the thought, next is to choose the next best feeling thought. It could be something like this: “I am healthy right now.” Or “I am taking the proper precautions”.

One by one, reach for the thoughts that make you feel better. Whatever good feeling thoughts keep reaching for them to get you out of the chaotic mindset. 


We have the ability to change the story for us. One by one, we can choose a better feeling thought and keep the positivity flowing from one corner of the world to the other. We will get through this.

In Italian, Andra’ tutto bene

Self-care is key here. Meditate. Read. Take a bath. Workout. Move your body. Eat a healthy diet. Hydrate. Use this time to finally take care of yourself. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Inside and out.

What are some self-care steps you can start implementing into your life?

Tell me in the comments.

Love & Light,

Kate

Makes Waves

Makes Waves

Makes Waves

Originally posted Feb 5, 2020

Make waves — It’s your turn to make a splash and rock a few creaky boats. Don’t be afraid to get wet. You may fail, you may look foolish, or you may make people think in a new way. Every great trailblazer and change-maker made waves. You’re no different.

A few weekends ago, I took a chance on a retreat nearby. I was reluctant to spend the money but I had too many signs to pass it up. I enjoyed every minute of it. We were limited time with our devices and we were focused on going inward. I noticed how much I am controlled by my devices. It was great to be away from it for most of the weekend. I learned to be with my thoughts more. I was aware of how I was thinking and talking to myself. I could choose again if a thought triggered me into fear or doubt.

I felt like I was seen. I didn’t know these people very well and it was important for me to speak my truth and be heard and seen. Even when I realized that I was talking too much, I felt the feeling of being “too much” and forgave myself for the thought of “no one cares about your husband and what he does for you”. 

During the weekend, I opened up and told someone about my retreat. I wasn’t ashamed about it, or talked it down. I said how excited I was. I didn’t force anyone to agree with me. I didn’t beg anyone to come. My ego (Inner Asshole) wrote those last two sentences. My IA talks me down a lot,  but I now realize when he is speaking and not my authentic self. 

Have you found yourself in the negative story spiral? I know I am usually there a few times a day. 

Try this: Choose Again Method

  1. Notice the negative fear based thought and how it feels.
  2. Forgive yourself for having the thought
  3. Choose again — reach for the next best feeling thought.

My mantra after the negative thought is:

I choose peace instead of this.

Make waves in your life. Don’t let others’ opinions or non-opinions steer you from your goal. Change the tides. Move mountains. Shine your light out to the world.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” -Anna Quinlen

Love & Light,

Katie 

Trust in the Process

Trust in the Process

Trust in the Process

originally posted Jan 2, 2020

I never wanted to believe that something else was helping me reach my dream. I thought I had to do it all myself.

This year I learned to trust.

I learned that trusting in what the universe has to offer is what we all need to do. We are energy. Made of light and love. A spirit living a human experience. Some of us are even lucky enough to be earth angels who are there for people who need the energy of love and care. Maybe all this talk of angels or energy or spirit has got you scrunching your face saying to yourself, ‘I don’t believe in this shit’.

But I challenge you to think about experiences over the past year or decade:

Do you remember situations that you were given flat out, obvious signs not to get into that relationship, not to sign the papers for that new business, not to take that job? If you do remember having that gut feeling of ‘this doesn’t feel right’ then that was a sign. A sign from the universe, God, the cosmos whatever you believe in, your spirit guide was waving a flag in your face saying ‘hey don’t do this, this isn’t the right path, this isn’t the right job’. But you ignored it and kept down the wrong path.

I am right there with you. I did the same thing. I took jobs that promised me money, so much money. That was the wrong path. These jobs, paths did not align with my higher self. I do remember having that gut feeling of ‘don’t do this, Katie. Money will not bring you happiness, this is not aligned with your purpose.’ I soon found myself more miserable than before and ended up leaving that job.

My sign pushed me into a job I thought I would never take. I was offered this job twice before I finally took it. A position that I thought, in my eyes, was hard and would make me miserable with all the responsibilities. After a full year of being in this position, I knew this was the correct choice. None of what my ego perceived happened in this job. No stress, no pressure, no huge responsibilities that I assumed would be included. And I love it!

As for my yoga retreat business, I learned to fully embrace whatever happens, happens. If I have a full retreat or not, I am still doing it. I am doing what I set out to do. This dream started in Italy in 2009. Knowing that I probably couldn’t live in Florence forever as an English teacher, I thought there is going to be a way I can keep Italy in my life. I believe my retreat business is it. I am trusting in the path I am on. I also believe it is going to blossom into something more than just yoga. 

Fast forward to 2019, my little sister gets married in Italy in the same place I stayed when I was their babysitter 11 years prior. I reached out to the owner and she was as ecstatic as me and said ‘let’s do this!’ 

Present day, I have six amazing women who have decided to invest in me and my vision of celebrating ourselves as we are. Accepting our journey as ours, owning our own story and appreciating the amazing things about us. I trusted in the universe and the universe took care of me. 

Do you trust enough in yourself?

Do you trust in the universe, spirit, God?

Do you surrender your fears to the universe and believe you are being taken care of?

Give it a try. Let me know how it goes in the comments. 

Buon Anno a Tutti!!

Happy New Year!!

Love & Light,

Katie 

Focus on You

Focus on You

Focus on You

originally posted on Dec 23, 2019

I did something I never do, I spent money on myself and participated in an in-studio yoga retreat. I was so happy I did. I never like to purchase events like this for myself because the money is always tight. I sucked it up and paid the money and treated myself. It was a great experience just focusing on myself. I didn’t try to compare my practice to others in the class. I fully embraced myself just as I am. I accepted my limitations and challenged myself to fully immerse into the energy that was in the room. I didn’t judge myself at all. I moved the way spirit moved me. It felt amazing! 

When we bring attention to ourselves and how we want to feel, we can notice when others take advantage of our time and how good it feels to feel good. I recently had a great conversation with one of my students from Bodyflow. She expressed that my classes have given her a better understanding of self-care. She reiterated how she does not have a close support system around her but with joining the club and coming to classes, she has renewed her idea of feeling good for herself. She has realized the people who deserve her time and energy. 

Hearing from my students gives me a great sense of belonging and love. I am doing exactly what I was meant to do on this earth. Teach people to love themselves and feel good in the process. If it is with yoga, fitness classes, or personal training, I give my whole heart to them and make them aware that whatever we do in that hour, they are doing the best they can for themselves.

Doesn’t that feel good to hear?

You are doing the best for you today!

So if you need a break, a rest, time to breathe, why not get a massage, facial, take a yoga class, meditation class, whatever it is to help you go inward. Because if we don’t focus on how we are feeling on the inside, no one else will. 

FOCUS ON YOU!

Love & Light,

Katie 

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